Lots of people parent, everyone has been parented, and everyone has strong opinions on the subject. Some people confuse parenting with discipline. Some people confuse parenting with friendship. It is neither and both.
Recently, I liked this article (about the practices and success of French parents compared to American parents) on Facebook. I also read a few blog posts about it. In the combox of one blog in particular, I noticed some negative comments about attachment parenting and permissiveness.
I would say that I practice attachment parenting. The fact that I use a highchair, 2 exersaucers, and a stroller means that lots of attachment parents would disagree with me.
By attachment parenting, I mean that I breastfeed for up to 2 years (maybe longer, never needed it longer), and we co-sleep. We want our baby sleep on our schedule (if I stay up late, she'll sleep in late) and do not impose some other time table. And we do not purposely let her cry.
Not that she cries anyway. Really. We've never had a baby like this one. She's always happy and smiley and jolly. She's the polar opposite of our firstborn who cried from 1996 through 1998. Though I did not intend to "let him cry it out," that's just what I had to do, because I had met all of his needs and nothing made him stop crying, except Steve Earle CDs or running water.
But permissive? I don't think so. Yes, our firstborn slept in our bed for 2 years and then in a sleeping bag on the floor next to our bed for another 3 or 4. But we taught him the word, "No" and what it meant from a very early age. Go ahead and ask him. We are the meanest parents he knows. Ask him what we always say when he tells us about somebody else's parents. "We don't give a rat's a$$ what other people's parents do." He knows not to tell us about other parents. That's when we get ugly mean.
We have rules. No Wii unless it's raining, you're sick, or you have a friend over. No technology in your bedroom. Say Please and Thank You. When I call your name, come to me and say, "Yes, Mom?" or "Yes, Dad?" You don't get to holler, "Whhhaaaat?" from the next room. Permission required for using the computer or the television, and both have time limits.
One of the more difficult and newer rules that my kids hate is that we require 24 hours notice for social events, playdates, basketball games, whatever. Tell me the night before, because if you're asking the day of, the answer is no. Of course, there are exceptions. It became very important for everyone to learn to make plans and to not take your ride (Dad) for granted. In the same regard, I cannot take my babysitters for granted and also must plan ahead.
I think the key point in the article about French parents is that they say "non," and they say it with conviction. It's important that kids learn that you mean what you say. Baby J is learning the word, "No," right now, every time she tries to touch the fireplace screen. Our other kids learned it this way, she will too. Even if I do wear her in an Ergo sometimes.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Attachment Parenting and Permissiveness
Lots of people parent, everyone has been parented, and everyone has strong opinions on the subject. Some people confuse parenting with discipline. Some people confuse parenting with friendship. It is neither and both.
Recently, I liked this article (about the practices and success of French parents compared to American parents) on Facebook. I also read a few blog posts about it. In the combox of one blog in particular, I noticed some negative comments about attachment parenting and permissiveness.
I would say that I practice attachment parenting. The fact that I use a highchair, 2 exersaucers, and a stroller means that lots of attachment parents would disagree with me.
By attachment parenting, I mean that I breastfeed for up to 2 years (maybe longer, never needed it longer), and we co-sleep. We want our baby sleep on our schedule (if I stay up late, she'll sleep in late) and do not impose some other time table. And we do not purposely let her cry.
Not that she cries anyway. Really. We've never had a baby like this one. She's always happy and smiley and jolly. She's the polar opposite of our firstborn who cried from 1996 through 1998. Though I did not intend to "let him cry it out," that's just what I had to do, because I had met all of his needs and nothing made him stop crying, except Steve Earle CDs or running water.
But permissive? I don't think so. Yes, our firstborn slept in our bed for 2 years and then in a sleeping bag on the floor next to our bed for another 3 or 4. But we taught him the word, "No" and what it meant from a very early age. Go ahead and ask him. We are the meanest parents he knows. Ask him what we always say when he tells us about somebody else's parents. "We don't give a rat's a$$ what other people's parents do." He knows not to tell us about other parents. That's when we get ugly mean.
We have rules. No Wii unless it's raining, you're sick, or you have a friend over. No technology in your bedroom. Say Please and Thank You. When I call your name, come to me and say, "Yes, Mom?" or "Yes, Dad?" You don't get to holler, "Whhhaaaat?" from the next room. Permission required for using the computer or the television, and both have time limits.
One of the more difficult and newer rules that my kids hate is that we require 24 hours notice for social events, playdates, basketball games, whatever. Tell me the night before, because if you're asking the day of, the answer is no. Of course, there are exceptions. It became very important for everyone to learn to make plans and to not take your ride (Dad) for granted. In the same regard, I cannot take my babysitters for granted and also must plan ahead.
I think the key point in the article about French parents is that they say "non," and they say it with conviction. It's important that kids learn that you mean what you say. Baby J is learning the word, "No," right now, every time she tries to touch the fireplace screen. Our other kids learned it this way, she will too. Even if I do wear her in an Ergo sometimes.
Recently, I liked this article (about the practices and success of French parents compared to American parents) on Facebook. I also read a few blog posts about it. In the combox of one blog in particular, I noticed some negative comments about attachment parenting and permissiveness.
I would say that I practice attachment parenting. The fact that I use a highchair, 2 exersaucers, and a stroller means that lots of attachment parents would disagree with me.
By attachment parenting, I mean that I breastfeed for up to 2 years (maybe longer, never needed it longer), and we co-sleep. We want our baby sleep on our schedule (if I stay up late, she'll sleep in late) and do not impose some other time table. And we do not purposely let her cry.
Not that she cries anyway. Really. We've never had a baby like this one. She's always happy and smiley and jolly. She's the polar opposite of our firstborn who cried from 1996 through 1998. Though I did not intend to "let him cry it out," that's just what I had to do, because I had met all of his needs and nothing made him stop crying, except Steve Earle CDs or running water.
But permissive? I don't think so. Yes, our firstborn slept in our bed for 2 years and then in a sleeping bag on the floor next to our bed for another 3 or 4. But we taught him the word, "No" and what it meant from a very early age. Go ahead and ask him. We are the meanest parents he knows. Ask him what we always say when he tells us about somebody else's parents. "We don't give a rat's a$$ what other people's parents do." He knows not to tell us about other parents. That's when we get ugly mean.
We have rules. No Wii unless it's raining, you're sick, or you have a friend over. No technology in your bedroom. Say Please and Thank You. When I call your name, come to me and say, "Yes, Mom?" or "Yes, Dad?" You don't get to holler, "Whhhaaaat?" from the next room. Permission required for using the computer or the television, and both have time limits.
One of the more difficult and newer rules that my kids hate is that we require 24 hours notice for social events, playdates, basketball games, whatever. Tell me the night before, because if you're asking the day of, the answer is no. Of course, there are exceptions. It became very important for everyone to learn to make plans and to not take your ride (Dad) for granted. In the same regard, I cannot take my babysitters for granted and also must plan ahead.
I think the key point in the article about French parents is that they say "non," and they say it with conviction. It's important that kids learn that you mean what you say. Baby J is learning the word, "No," right now, every time she tries to touch the fireplace screen. Our other kids learned it this way, she will too. Even if I do wear her in an Ergo sometimes.
3 comments:
The whole "Attachment parents are permissive and will raise spoiled brats" myth is so laughable. I'd get annoyed at it, except all the best parents I know, the ones I look up to and think "I want to be THAT kind of parent", practice attachment parenting (with some strollers thrown in, yes...). Their kids are mature and balanced and unselfish. I like to think my own kids are as well, as much as toddlers can be, even though they slept in our bed and were carried around in slings. But they certainly know that when their parents say no or suggest a consequence, they mean it.
ReplyDelete
Thank you for this! I hate how people assume because I nurse longer than the average bear and cosleep that I must somehow refuse to say "no" to my kids. I want my kids to be saints so of course they need to learn how to delay gratification etc. Regarding gadgets, I have you beat....I have a swing and a bouncy chair on each floor! : )
ReplyDelete
agreed! i say the same thing - attachment parenting is not indulgement parenting. i do sometimes indulge, but that's not because i'm attached, it is because i sometimes take the easy way out. that's not good! from a fellow AP (trying) Catholic mom - www.attachedmoms.com (would love a follow back :) )
ReplyDelete
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The whole "Attachment parents are permissive and will raise spoiled brats" myth is so laughable. I'd get annoyed at it, except all the best parents I know, the ones I look up to and think "I want to be THAT kind of parent", practice attachment parenting (with some strollers thrown in, yes...). Their kids are mature and balanced and unselfish. I like to think my own kids are as well, as much as toddlers can be, even though they slept in our bed and were carried around in slings. But they certainly know that when their parents say no or suggest a consequence, they mean it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this! I hate how people assume because I nurse longer than the average bear and cosleep that I must somehow refuse to say "no" to my kids. I want my kids to be saints so of course they need to learn how to delay gratification etc. Regarding gadgets, I have you beat....I have a swing and a bouncy chair on each floor! : )
ReplyDeleteagreed! i say the same thing - attachment parenting is not indulgement parenting. i do sometimes indulge, but that's not because i'm attached, it is because i sometimes take the easy way out. that's not good! from a fellow AP (trying) Catholic mom - www.attachedmoms.com (would love a follow back :) )
ReplyDelete